Journal #2
Admittedly, I had a hard time with this assignment. The writer of American Ethics made some poignant, and potentially beautiful, remarks. This was unfortunately juxtaposed by the overall inconsistent tone of the essay- which lacked personality. I found myself reading this essay and asking myself, ‘Why do I care?’. As a reader, finding the answer to that question is pretty important. This pondering was majorly a result of the various broad, undefined, and opinion-based remarks frequently made throughout the essay; an example of this is the title itself, American Ethics. Additionally, there were few citations throughout the paper- which supported my question of ‘Why do I care?’, with an equally important ‘Who are you to say?’. The most maddening part of reading American Ethics, was not this lack of articulation, but rather, the fact that writer clearly had a destination in mind. The essay’s strongest moments were those that pertained to a specific opinion. For example, on the second page the writer details the nuanced issue of animal consumption. To support their argument that the current social regard toward consumption of animals is a little hypocritical, the writer draws from societal norms. Specifically, how humans make the conscious decision that chickens are okay to eat– but not necessarily to kill in one’s home, dogs are not okay at all to eat or kill, and yet there is this enigma of sorts found in the lobster– which is okay to eat, and acceptable to kill as part of it’s preparation. This is one of many valid points made throughout the essay. However, it is lost in translation, so to speak. The writer takes no time while making this point to ensure that it is easily understood by the reader. The writer also makes very little effort to connect this opinion– which functions as one of the topic sentences in relation to their thesis– to the relevant source, which is mentioned in both the introductory paragraph and on the second page. Essentially, this essay has good bones. The best way to build this essay up, would start with the writer reading what they’ve written aloud, or even hearing it read aloud to them. After that, the writer might try working on the overall flow of the essay, They could do this by hi-lighting the various topic sentences of the paragraphs, and then writing them on a separate sheet, in order, to ensure that they flow well. Finally, this writer needs to add in sources and punctuation. While these are more formal and straight-cut revisions, they are imperative to the writer-reader relationship. The addition of punctuation, citations, and proper grammar/sentence structure tells the reader that they can trust the writer. As a reader, I really appreciate that development. If I don’t trust that the writer has something valuable to say, why on earth would I be reading?
