I have been in four oceans
and fewer seas
My fingertips wrinkle
when they bathe
in these salted waters
and take what they can from them
Recklessly at first
And then only because their cells
know to do nothing else
I have a need
to fill my skin to the brim
with the waters
of as many oceans
and as many seas
as I can
I still don’t know the reason why
Perhaps it is so
I can say to my future son
I have swam
in as many bodies of water
as there are tears in his eyes
and once they have fallen
on the earth
they are far more beautiful
than when they are encased
in our pruned, swollen skin
And barnacles will form
In his tear ducts
If he does not let his cries
Join the tides
Or perhaps it is so
I can tell my future daughter
That I have toasted my own skin
until irregularities
formed paintings
on my shoulders
A connect-the-dots of damage
in the name of vanity
And the man
that peeled the skin off my back
where I couldn’t reach it
took advantage
of my sun-dried throat
right after
And if I’d had the courage
to spend $2.50 on sunscreen
and the word No,
that might not have happened.
Either way
we cannot blame ourselves
for forces of nature
And the marks from these scorchings
are Unwelcome
but not grotesque
And salt water is the holy water
That no one knows
How to stop blessing
It heals everything
and with time
Our pain will be the
sea glass in the ocean
Or
Perhaps it is so
I can tell my mothers
that my blue eyes reflect
the seas
and oceans
the same
and if they had not
given them to me
I would not know
what it means
to have cold water
running through my veins
Perhaps it is so
I can tell my brother,
That we have always
lived near the coastline
and no matter how far you try
running you will
eventually start swimming
And the pounding of your heart
might be the only thing
keeping you going
but your body was meant to float
So we have to
keep on fucking swimming
Perhaps it was so
I could tell the love of my life
that I have cleaned the sand
from underneath all my fingernails
and there has always
been a grain
that has remained underneath one
and the pearl that formed
was only ever found
underneath his tongue
Or perhaps it is so
I can post on Facebook
once I’m done
And all of the people
I’ve met along the way can say
” she’s always wanted to do that” and maybe they too
will do the first thing
They’ve ever dreamed they could
And maybe
it is going to the North Pole
And maybe
It is screaming
at the top of their lungs
At anyone who’s ever made them feel
Anything at all
But there is something in my bones compelling me to drown until I die
It’s a good thing dead bodies rise to the surface
Because when I’m found in the middle of the pacific,
you will know I did everything I said I would
Happy, at the bottom of my bucket list
