Journal #12
Whenever I’m talking to one of my peers during a meeting, I find myself wishing that they could picture what goes on inside my head as I write. Mostly, because they could see what an absolute mess it is. They could see the various gears and coils that move and bounce with one another disjointedly. They could see that usually, only half of my mind is well-oiled while the other lags further and further behind. I wish my peers could see how much I hate writing- how I loathe how messy it can be, how sometimes writing makes me feel like I dipped my hands in apple juice and just let it dry, and how I scream my own ears deaf trying to find just a single right answer. I wish my peers could witness this, because I feel like it might show them that— while I am a writing fellow— I rarely feel good at writing. I think if they saw how gruesome my writing process truly is, it might help them approach our meetings as two equals, discussing; as opposed to approaching the session having already placed me on a pedestal. This might give our meeting a more genuine, and open tone. And I’d have to hear ‘well, you’re already good at writing, so you might not get this…’ a lot less. More importantly, though, knowing about my writing process might get my peers to think about their own. If they came to a meeting knowing how they comprehend material and approach expressing their thoughts, it would be far easier to actually make the jump to expressing those thoughts- as opposed to how to start. Perhaps a prerequisite of self-understanding is a bit excessive, but I think it would make the sessions I have more focused on actually writing- which is my ultimate goal.
